The problem doesn't want to be solved

I was listening to a coaching podcast the other day (Kara Loewentheil) who was saying that over and over her clients were not really solving their problems/achieving their goals because on some level that obstacle was an energetic presence that gave their life direction and meaning.

So much of their thinking and efforting revolved around their obstacle, they couldn’t imagine who they would be without that excuse, drama, reason for being.


Think about how much head space is occupied by the big if-only thing thought.

If only I had more money.

If only I were thin.

If only she/he/it would change.

If only _________ I would be happy.

Kara’s clients would be all on board when they saw that their circumstance could be changed, but then when the reality of what that means for their identity comes up, they couldn’t resolve the dissonance.

Who would I be without the eating issue.

What would I think if I had all the money I could ever want.

We think that once our circumstances align with our dreams, we will be happy.

But time and time again people find out.

Lottery winners are no happier than they were before the money.

Mindful eaters now have to feel all the negative emotions that once were stuffed down with sugar.

Circumstances don’t make us happier.

Life is uncomfortable, scary, heartbreaking some times.

Our thoughts are the key to our happiness, and happiness means we are willing to be unhappy when life kicks our ass.

Who do you want to be in this crazy roller-coaster ride?

That is the power-question.

When you consciously decide the answer and let it drive your conversations, your reactions, your decisions, then you have the cleanest, most powerful solution to each and every problem.

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