After a very very active outdoor day, I knew my body should be exhausted so when it got dark I thought I’d give sleep a try. I put on beautiful meditation music, an eye mask and made sure all the conditions were optimal.
I don’t usually pay attention to that shift from outer to inner world, and then the easy slip through some kind of deeper release into sleep.
The music and eye mask definitely helped, and beautiful dreamy images helped to relax the body further so I could let go even more.
A soft female-feeling said “I’m here. I made it through.”
I felt this as the guide I was praying for the previous night and making it though I took to mean past my armored belief structures.
Then occurred the most dramatic and incredible sequence of meeting resistance and letting go.
The need to move, shift, adjust, fix was felt, accepted and let go without response.
The next wave got bigger.
The guide was there to support my acceptance and non-response and my inner body was vibrating with the intensity of the waves.
It seemed to go on for a long time and then the heat came.
I totally have to change the covers.
And the blast was a searing voltage of intensity.
And still I received, accepted, and did not respond.
And then it all went calm and cool.
I think I slept for a couple of hours.
Then 2:00 and in the purgatory of non-sleep, but peaceful and incredible grateful for the massive experience of another experience of acceptance and letting go.
It’s one thing to be mindful when the sensory organs have something to experience.
It’s a really different ride when eyes are closed, the world is quiet and the inner landscape is an ocean of roiling enormous rogue waves jacked up on steroids.
And finally when I gave up on sleep and got up, it occurred than it’s not just “me” the mind in the body on this ride.
There are 100 trillion living organisms in this biome, plus the interloping virus colony.
This “me” is actually an incredibly vast community of interdependent dynamics.
I take a feel inside.
I feel how hard everyone is working to heal and thrive and I’m humbled and grateful.